Orochimaru's Birthday Surprise!
by Dosu Disciple
Summary: Kabuto organizes Orochimaru's birthday party! Who's better to prepare for it than Dosu, Kin, and Zaku? Crack.
1. Introduction, Kabuto's POV

****Please review, it encourages me to write more!

* * *

**Kabuto's Point of View**

Yep, tomorrow is Lord Orochimaru's birthday! I'm so excited! I want him to have the best birthday ever, so I'll throw a surprise party! But that's a lot of work...I'll get the genin to help! They'll be so happy to help! This party will be perfect! Then maybe after Orochimaru will be so happy that maybe...

"We can finally have sex!"

"Um, excuse me?"

Oh no! Kimimaro heard me...what do I do know?

"Uh, I mean, haha!You fight with boners!"

Genius! Sometimes I surprise myself with how smart I am...

"You're fucking hilarious."

After that he left the room. Not sure why, I found that quite funny. Some people just aren't as clever as I am I guess...

Oh right! The party! I need to write notes for the genin so they know what to do for tomorrow! I don't want them knowing too much, so I'll write three separate notes. That way the only know what they're doing and no one else!

Okay, I'll write this down for Dosu, this down for Kin, and this for Zaku...

Perfect! Now I just need to slip these under their doors...

**What Kabuto didn't know, was that he gave the wrong notes to the wrong genin...**


	2. Chapter 1, Orochimaru's POV

**Orochimaru's Point of View**

I'm so bored. Zaku stoke my van so I can't stalk children. Even if I could, that damn Dosu stole all the candy! This is the worst birthday ever! Well, it could be worse, Kabuto hasn't been annoying me all day. Sometimes I worry about him. I know I'm unbelievably sexy, but Kabuto needs to control himself sometimes...

Oh well, better get back to snuggling my Sasuke body pillow...

"Lord Orochimaru!"

Damn it Kabuto! You ruin everything!

"There's a situation in the main hall!"

"Send Dosu or someone! Me and Sas-pillow are busy!"

Snuggle time with Sas-pillow is the best. Sas-pillow is second only to Sasuke.

"My lord, this is very important!"

"Ugh fine. This better be important!"

Don't worry Sas-pillow, I'll be back for you...

We finally reached the main hall, took forever since Kabuto walks like a damn woman. That and the fact we have to cross ninja hallways.

"Quickly get inside!"

I walked inside, and all the lights were off. Looks like Kabuto didn't pay the electricity bill again.

Then the lights flashed on, damn! Don't they know I hate bright lights? Why else would I build a whole village underground?

"Surprise! Happy Birthday Lord Orochimaru!"

Funny, even though everyone, was here, only Kabuto said that. Everyone else was just mumbling...

Could this mean...that...I'M LOSING MY HEARING? HOW CAN I HEAR SASUKE'S VOICE ON MY SASUKE CD NOW?

Out of nowhere, the far wall burst down, and a whole bunch a ninjas ran inside! What the hell is going on?

"There's the kid! Get him!"

Then all the ninjas charged, all headed towards um...let me check the notes on my hand...okay, that's Zaku. They all charged Zaku. I wonder what he did...and why does Zaku have a giant boner?

Argh, what the fuck? The cake just exploded!

"What is this nonsense? Where the fuck is Kabuto?"

"Here I am Lord Orochimaru!"

When did he get behind me...HOLY SHIT HE'S NAKED!

"My body is ready!"

OH NO WHAT THE FUCK HE'S JUMPING HE'S GOING TO LAND ON ME NAKED SOMEONE HELP ME OH SHIT!

Almost like a miracle, Kin showed up out of nowhere and punched Kabuto in the face, sending him flying into a wall.

"I finally found you, you fucking pervert!"

Wow, she looks mad...

"Let's see how you like this! Shadow Senbon!"

...

...she threw senbon at his balls...

SHE THREW FUCKING SENBON AT HIS FUCKING BALLS!

...

HAHAHAHA, THIS IS THE BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!


	3. Chapter 2, Dosu's POV

**Dosu's Point of View**

Hmm...I hear footsteps out side my door...oh no, is it Zaku again? Please tell me he's not doing it again...

The footsteps stopped at the door, it must be Zaku...is he going to do it again...is he going to...

"Sleep rape me?"

Damn, I was so scared I said that out loud.

"Uh, no thanks."

Oh, it's just Kabuto. That was close. Zaku always sleep walks, and depending on the dream he rapes people. In his sleep. And it's always me since my room is closest to him. At least I hope that's why...

Oh right, Kabuto. He left a paper under the door, I guess I should read it.

It explained that Orochimaru's birthday was tomorrow, and that Kabuto wanted to have a surprise party for him. It was the second half of the note that confused me...

"You obviously know how to cook. Your job is the make a cake for Orochimaru. You obviously have superior decorating skills, so you may decorate the cake as well. Everything you need should be in the kitchen."

What the hell? What does he mean "I obviously know how to cook"? The only thing I've ever made was cereal and pop tarts! And "Superior decorating skills"? Yes, I am amazing, but I'm not especially known for my decorating skills. Whatever. It is Kabuto. This just ruins my day though. I was hoping for another day of stare-offs with the ceiling, but I guess that can wait. I've never seen Kabuto mad before, and I don't want to see him mad. Do gay guys even get mad?

* * *

Okay, this is ridiculous. Kabuto left the eggs, flour, and milk out, but nothing to mix or decorate it with. Hell, there isn't even anything in the refrigerator. And all the dishes are piled up in the sink, not a single one clean. Can't say I'm surprised, with Kabuto busy nothing it looks like nothing will get done today. Why didn't he get Kin to do this? She's a girl, girls do cooking and decorating. I kill people. Could be worse though, he could have gotten Zaku to cook. That would be a sight to see, he would probably stack the ingredients together and cover them in icing, without even mixing anything. Oh how I love Zaku's stupidity, it's the main reason I still live here with him. I remember when we first met in ninja school...

* * *

"Hey, my name's Dosu Kinuta!"

"That's a gay name! You're gay!"

"Excuse me?"

"That's right carpet boy! G, A, GAY!"

"That's not how you spell 'gay'"

"That's not how I spelled your mother when I had sex with her!"

"..."

...That was a terrible day.

* * *

Okay, this cake needs to be made now. I need to find a bowl...I could just rinse out a dirty one I guess.

I grabbed a bowl and turned the tap on. No water came out. Kabuto must be so busy he forgot to pay the water bill. Wait, if Kabuto does everything, why the hell is Orochimaru in charge? How am I supposed to rinse this bowl off...

"Damn it Kabuto, I don't want to!"

Was that... Itachi? Why is he here? The sounds is coming from the next room over, maybe if I listen closely...

"Please Itachi, just come for Orochimaru's birthday! It'll be fun!"

"No! Why would you even invite me here? Me and Orochimaru aren't exactly on the best terms right now."

"Then you can hug and make up! It'll be perfect!"

"No! Come on Kisame, I can't believe we came here for this."

Kisame? I bet he knows water jutsu! I can get water from him!

"Good idea, let's get out of here Itachi."

I caught up to them,

"Hey Sharkboy! Off to go see Lava Girl?"

Kisame turned around to face me.

"That's a horrible reference that no one will understand! Take this! Water Style, Raging Waves!"

He shot water from his mouth, so I held up the bowl to block it. The force still knocked me back, but at least the bowl's rinsed. When I got back up Kisame and Itachi were already gone. Wait, Kisame shot that water out of his mouth...is that cleaner than just using spit to rinse it?

Okay, now to mix the ingredients...I'll just throw everything in and shake the bowl.

...

This isn't working, the eggs didn't even crack. I guess I could...no...well...whatever.

"Resonating Echo Drill!"

Okay, that destroyed the bowl, but at least everything's mixed. No I just need to scrape it off the floor and place it in the oven that we don't have...well there's a microwave, but even I'm not stupid enough to bake a cake in a microwave. Better cook it with paper bombs.

...

Okay half the kitchen just blew up, but it looks baked...kind of. Some of the paper bombs didn't even go off though. Well, why not leave them inside? Might add flavor. I'll just cover this in icing and it'll look good as new. But we have no icing. Hmm...what would Kabuto do... he'd probably go out and buy some, but there's no way in hell I'm spending money for Orochimaru's birthday. What would Zaku do...why am I even asking myself this? He'll probably just cover the thing in jizz! I know! Orochimaru has a whole bunch of candy in his van! I'll just take some of that and mash it up, and cover the cake in it! Brilliant.

* * *

I got into the garage, and Zaku was getting in the van.

"What are you doing Zaku?"

"What the hell does it look like I'm doing? I driving a pedo van!"

"But, why?"

"I got some chores from Kabuto, so why not take the van?"

"Can you even drive?"

"Of course I can drive, who do you think I am, Kin?"

"Well before you go I need the candy in the back."

"Sure, I already ate the good stuff."

He wasn't kidding, in the back was a whole bunch of empty wrappers. I just grabbed all that was left. As soon as I closed the back door, Zaku floored it, smashing through the garage door.

* * *

Okay, now the cake is decorated...well, at least it slightly resembled a cake. Good enough I guess.

"Is the cake ready?"

Kabuto just burst in.

"OH MY GOSH IT'S..."

Looks like I get to meet an angry gay guy...

"FAAABULOUS!"

What, really? Are his glasses broken or something?

"I'll take it the main hall right now! You should hurry too, the party's about to start!"

* * *

I'm now standing inside a dark room, waiting for Kabuto and Orochimaru to show up.

What the fuck? Someone just grabbed my ass!

"Daaaaamn Kin, you got a fine ass!"

"Zaku! That's my ass for fuck's sake!"

Zaku sounded high or something, I don't know. But now that he mentioned her, where is Kin? I haven't seen her.

The lights flashed on.

"Surprise! Happy Birthday Lord Orochimaru!"

Kabuto and Orochimaru just walked in. And, it feels likes the ground is shaking...

Then the wall burst down. Wow, that's a lot of ninja.

"There's the kid! Get him!"

Why are they all chasing Zaku? And what's with Zaku's giant boner? He's only twelve, how can it be that big?

Oh shit.

I just noticed the sparks coming from the cake, the dormant paper bombs are going to go off...


	4. Chapter 3, Kin's POV

**Kin's Point of View**

I just sat on my bed, playing with my secret Zaku voodoo doll, which I wish was real. Then I heard someone walk up to my door. Whoever it was, they slipped a note under the door. It was a note from Kabuto...

"Okay, I don't even know if you can read,"

Jackass! Of course I can read!

"or if you even bothered to look at this note. I've seen working the street before, so I know you have connections"

What the hell? How did he know about that! That was just one time... I needed the money to pay for ninja school entry! How much does he know about me? DOES HE KNOW I SHOWER NAKED? That pervert! The next time I see him he'll wish he was never born! Oh right, the note...

"So I need you to get a hold of some male strippers."

Okay, just because I took a pole dancing class doesn't mean I know male strippers! And how did he know about that? I only took that class out of curiosity! But really, how does he know so much about me? I never told anyone those things! Not even my bestest friend in the whole world, my reflection! Fuck his strippers, I'm going to hunt him down and torture him...

Outside in the hall I bumped into Kimimaro.

"Oh uh, hi Kimimaro!"

"Hello"

I'm always nervous when I talk to Kimimaro, he's so hot...

"Is there something you wanted?"

"Oh no, um, yes! Have you seen Kabuto?"

"That bastard? I saw him chase Itachi and Kisame outside."

"You hate Kabuto too? We have _so_ much in common! WE SHOULD GO ON A DATE."

"Um, I'll pass."

"Well, do you want to help me kick Kabuto's ass?"

Kimimaro thought for a minute.

"Sure."

This is awesome! I finally get to be with Kimimaro, _and_ beat up Kabuto! If only it wasn't Orochimaru's birthday, this day would be perfect!

"Uh, where do you want to look for Kabuto first? At the beach... at a fancy restaurant...or my bedroom?"

"He went to the surface chasing Itachi and Kisame. I told you that. This isn't a date."

Oh, it will be...

"Okay, let's go!"

* * *

"I can't see anyone."

"Keep looking. They couldn't have gotten far"

"We could stop and rest..."

"This isn't a date."

Next thing I know, the garage door smashes open and Orochimaru's van pulls out and stops. Zaku was driving it...he can drive? And what the hell was he doing?

"Hey!"

Why is he shouting at me?

"You look smart! Come read this for me!"

I walked over to help Zaku.

"Not you bitch, like you can read!"

"I can read!"

"Haha, you can't read!"

What the fuck? He can't even read!

"I was talking to boner dude. Can you read this to me?"

Kimimaro looked annoyed from his comment.

"We're busy."

Zaku burst out laughing again.

"Wow, are you two going out? That's sooo gay!"

You've got to be fucking kidding me.

"See ya, have fun with your gay butt sex!"

He then drove off, and hit a tree.

"I meant to do that!"

Then he drove off to the nearest village.

"Well that was odd."

"He's on my list."

What was Kimimaro talking about?

"Your what?"

"I keep a list of those that need to be brutally tortured. Kabuto is number one currently."

"Um, am I on that list?"

"No."

HE MUST LOVE ME! YES!

"There's a set of tracks that lead to the woods."

Kimimaro was right, Kabuto for some reason ran off into the woods.

* * *

We started walking together through the woods. It's not a beach at sunset, but it'll do.

"So...what do you like to do?"

"This isn't a date."

"Oh I know, well, why don't we talk? It'll make this search go by faster."

"Well since you asked, I like to kill random villagers and collect their skeletons and make interpretative sculptures out of them."

"Well, that's, um, unique."

"Since you asked, I'll return the question. What do you enjoy doing."

HE ASKED ME A PERSONAL QUESTION HE MUST LOVE ME!

"I have a Zaku doll that I like to squeeze and poke!"

Shit! That came out terrible!

"That's, unique."

OH MY GAWD WE ARE IN LOVE!

The trail reached a clearing, then turned around.

"His tracks stop here"

Kimimaro looked around.

"The tracks loop around over there and head back towards the Sound Village. If we go back we'll be in time to find him.

This is my chance, we're all alone out here with no one to see us, and this place doesn't look to bad either. Before I could speak Kimimaro reached down into his pants.

"We still have plenty of time. Do you want to do this now?"

I looked down at his hands.

"More than ever."

* * *

We finished and started heading back to the village.

"That was great Kimimaro, I've never had such and experience!"

"You weren't lying when you said you had lots of practice."

"I'm still shocked you lasted so long! Most of the guys I'm with in clubs are out in minutes!"

"Well I suprised you had that in your hand the whole time!"

Today is perfect...now we just need to find Kabuto back at the village.

* * *

"Quickly! I can hear everyone in the main hall!"

"Kabuto must be in there!"

Me and Kimimaro ran inside. This is just chaos! Who are those ninja chasing Zaku? WHERE DID HE GET THAT BONER FROM? Ugh, the trouble he gets himself into is ridiculous. Now where is...THERE HE IS! Kabuto is trying to rape Orochimaru! Why must he ruin the best day of my life...

Well, time for revenge! No time to tell Kimimaro, it's now or never!

I ran up to Kabuto, and punched him while he was in midair.

"I finally found you, you fucking pervert!"

He flew so far I finished my sentence before he hit the wall.

"Let's see how you like this! Shadow Senbon!"

Ha! Right in his balls, perfect shot! Kimimaro will be so proud of me...


	5. Chapter 4, Zaku's POV

**Zaku's Point of View**

Uhhhhh, I my head hurts so much...what happened last night? Hmm...I was...I was...ugh what's the point of remembering. It was probably awesome! I was totally beating up some Leaf shinobi and getting blowjobs. AT THE SAME TIME! Or something like that. I'm sure of it. Someone's at my door. What? They slid a note under it? Who the fuck uses notes? What happened to the internet?

It must be Kin, she loves me.

"If you wanna have sex Kin you should just ask in person!"

No answer, she probably ran back to her room since she forgot to take her clothes off. She totally wants to bang me but the dumb bitch doesn't even remember that she has to be naked for that to work!

Oh right, that gay note. I should just ignore it. Kin's probably in her room waiting for me.

Outside my room was Kabuto.

"Oh hey douche-fag! What are you doing out here? I ain't sucking no man dick!"

"Um, are you high or something?"

Is he fucking stupid? This whole place is underground, I'm obviously low!

"What are you doing down here? If your looking for the orphans I already fed them to my pet dinosaur!"

"You don't have a pet dino-"

"I MEANT ROOSTER, CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND ENGLISH?"

"Uh, whatever. Did you read your note?"

"Nah I don't got time for fan mail."

"No, the note I left for you under your door! Go read it!"

He sent the love letter?

"I don't want your butt sex!"

"What? I never asked you...go read that damn note!"

Wow, some people just overreact some times.

* * *

This letter makes no sense. There's no pictures to explain anything. How am I supposed to read it?

"Dosu, Orochimaru's birthday is tomorrow and I need you to get the present for him. He wants tomatoes for Sasuke traps, so go to town and see if you can find any."

Shit, I can't read! For all I know he _is _asking for butt sex! Well I better get out of here then, my ass isn't safe here!

* * *

This is it, the garage! Now I can just "borrow" Orochimaru's van and escape to town! Ugh, my stomach is growling. I haven't eaten anything in forever! Doesn't Orochimaru keep candy in the back of his van?

...

Perfect! There's loads of candy back here. Hang on what's this? There's a locked tool box in the corner of the van, that must be where he keeps the good candy!

"Decapitating Airwaves!"

Fuck yeah, that broke the lock! This candy looks different from the rest...what does the wrapper say?

**Viagra**

Well, too bad I can't read it. Not like it makes a difference! I'm eating all of this shit!

...

That stuff was was damn good it gave me a boner! Time to get out of here, Kabuto could find me any second now...

"What are you doing Zaku?"

Shit! He found me! Oh, it's just Dosu.

"What the hell does it look like I'm doing? I driving a pedo van!"

"But, why?"

Why does he need to know? Wait, what if he's Kabuto in disguise...I can't let that bastard know I'm running from him...think Zaku think...

"I got some chores from Kabuto, so why not take the van?"

Close enough.

"Can you even drive?"

Bitch, does it look like I can't drive?

"Of course I can drive, who do you think I am, Kin?"

Ha, that bitch probably couldn't get the door open.

"Well before you go I need the candy in the back."

"Sure, I already ate the good stuff."

I wonder what he needs all that candy for. He took all that's left, Damn candywhore. Well, time to get going. Good thing Orochimaru always leaves the keys in this. Just need to start in up and floor it.

Whoa, this thing picks up speed fast!

Shit, who left the garage door down?

...

Well, that wasn't so bad. The van can still drive at least. Hey, is that Kin and Kimimaro? Kimimaro! Maybe he can read the note for me!

"Hey!"

Is Kimimaro ignoring me or something?

"You look smart! Come read this for me!"

What the hell? Why is Kin coming over here?

"Not you bitch, like you can read!"

"I can read!"

"Haha, you can't read!"

"I was talking to boner dude. Can you read this to me?"

Why is he still ignoring me?

"We're busy."

Busy? What the fuck? Are dating now?

"Wow, are you two going out? That's sooo gay!"

Burn! That must have hurt them! Shit I've been sitting here too long, I need to get out of here before Kabuto finds me...

"See ya, have fun with your gay butt sex!"

Aw shit, I hit the tree! How am I going to talk my way out of this...

"I meant to do that!"

Brilliant, now I don't look like a moron!

* * *

Okay, I finally arrived at the village. I doubt Kabuto would chase me this far. Since I'm in town I guess I can ask some one to read the note to me. That guy over there could help.

"Hey, can you read this to me?"

"What, um sure."

He grabbed the note from me, then read it.

"What does it say?"

"Well uh, it says you need to buy some weed. I know where you can get some."

Kabuto wants me to buy pot for him? What the fuck does he need that for? Is he going to drug me and rape me? Fuck no! I'm keeping all of it!

"If you follow me I can get you some"

Score!

"Show me!"

So now I'm in this huge green house, filled with pot! There so much of it I think I'm getting high just from being in here!

"So how much do you want?"

"Uhhh...just fill up this bags."

I grabbed some garbage bags from the ground, two should last me until the weekend!

"Wow, that's quite a bit. You can afford all of this?"

Shit...

"Of course I can! Just help me load it up in my van."

* * *

"Okay, that's all of it. Where's the payment?"

Oh, I'll give you a payment!

"Extreme Decapitating Airwaves!"

Haha, the fatass went flying!

"We got a run away! Get him!"

Son of a bitch! Ninjas came out of nowhere! I need to get out of here!

Start up damn it!

Faster! Go faster!

Okay, I think I lost them. That was close... now I just need to stash this stuff in my bedroom and find Dosu, I can't wait to brag to him about this score. I think he's in the main hall.

* * *

Why the hell is it so dark in here? Is that Kin? This gives me an idea.

...

"Daaaaamn Kin, you got a fine ass!"

"Zaku! That's my ass for fuck's sake!"

What the fuck? Why does Kin sound like Dosu...

Ah, my eyes! Why the fuck is it so bright!

"Surprise! Happy Birthday Lord Orochimaru!"

What? Birthday?

Hey, the walls are falling done! Wow this place sucks. Who are those people...

"There's the kid! Get him!"

Oh fuck! Run Zaku run!


	6. Chapter 5, Kimimaro's POV

**Kimimaro's Point of View**

This is awkward. Why is Kabuto just staring at me like an idiot?

"We can finally have sex!"

What the hell?

"Um, excuse me?"

"Uh, I mean, haha! You fight with boners!"

I fucking hate the people here.

"You're fucking hilarious."

Well, not like I was doing anything in there. Maybe there's something interesting happening in the Sound lounge.

* * *

Strange. Usually that genin trio sit in here, I was hoping to beat up that Zaku kid. I wonder where they all went. I guess I can go find Kabuto and beat him up instead. I'll show him what real bones are capable of...

* * *

There's Kabuto, why is he chasing Itachi and Kisame? Can't say I blame Itachi and Kisame, normally I'd want to get away from Kabuto too. Well there's one of the genin. Where would the rest of them be? They usually don't split up.

"Oh uh, hi Kimimaro!"

Why is she talking to me? I don't even know her name.

"Hello, is there something you wanted?"

Why am I talking to her now...

"Oh no, um, yes! Have you seen Kabuto?"

Funny, I've never heard of anyone _looking_ for Kabuto.

"That bastard? I saw him chase Itachi and Kisame outside."

"You hate Kabuto too? We have _so_ much in common! WE SHOULD GO ON A DATE."

What? I've never even talked to her before! Where is this coming from?

"Um, I'll pass."

"Well, do you want to help me kick Kabuto's ass?"

Hmm...maybe I can set a trap and use her as bait.

"Sure."

"Uh, where do you want to look for Kabuto first? At the beach... at a fancy restaurant...or my bedroom?"

Really? I hate little girls.

"He went to the surface chasing Itachi and Kisame. I told you that. This isn't a date."

"Okay, let's go!"

* * *

"I can't see anyone."

She's right, where did they go?

"Keep looking. They couldn't have gotten far"

"We could stop and rest..."

Seriously? Shut the hell up. I still don't even know her name.

"This isn't a date."

What is that noise...I turn and look, and what do I see? That Zaku brat smashing through the garage door. Just another reason to pummel him.

"Hey!"

Is he going to talk to me too?

"You look smart! Come read this for me!"

Of course I do, I'm Kimimaro.

"Not you bitch, like you can read!"

Why did she answer? He's obviously talking to me!

"I can read!"

"Haha, you can't read!"

That kid is a master at comebacks I see.

"I was talking to boner dude. Can you read this to me?"

REALLY? Him too? He just moved up on the list.

"We're busy."

Why the hell is he laughing?

"Wow, are you two going out? That's sooo gay!"

What? Is this kid serious? I would never date her!

"See ya, have fun with your gay butt sex!"

Wow, talk about lack of intelligence. He even crashed into a tree.

"I meant to do that!"

I'm sure you did.

"Well that was odd."

Really? I fought that would be normal from someone like that.

"He's on my list."

"Your what?"

"I keep a list of those that need to be brutally tortured. Kabuto is number one currently."

"Um, am I on that list?"

"No."

Keep asking me stupid questions and you will be. Time to start searching for Kabuto again.

"There's a set of tracks that lead to the woods."

Now to follow them.

* * *

These tracks lead forever, how far did Kabuto chase after Itachi?

"So...what do you like to do?"

For the love of...

"This isn't a date."

"Oh I know, well, why don't we talk? It'll make this search go by faster."

Point taken.

"Well since you asked, I like to kill random villagers and collect their skeletons and make interpretative sculptures out of them."

And I will do the same to you if you annoy me.

"Well, that's, um, unique."

Was that supposed to be a compliment? Let's see how she likes questions.

"Since you asked, I'll return the question. What do you enjoy doing."

Probably something stupid like listening to Justin Bieber or reading _Twilight_

"I have a Zaku doll that I like to squeeze and poke!"

Or that.

"That's, unique."

She must be crying a river on the inside.

The tracks turn around up ahead.

"His tracks stop here"

No they don't, they just go over there.

"The tracks loop around over there and head back towards the Sound Village. If we go back we'll be in time to find him.

All this walking for nothing. It's still early afternoon, we can still here for a while. But I need something to distract her, otherwise she'll most likely try to kiss me or something. Just let me reach down here...

"We still have plenty of time. Do you want to do this now?"

I pulled a deck of cards out of my pocket. She looked at it and her eyes sparkled.

"More than ever. I'll warn you though, I play quite a bit in some clubs! I've had plenty of practice!"

Good. Who knows, maybe I can meet a worthy opponent. No one beats me at Go-fish.

* * *

"Do you have any sevens?"

Damn! How does she always know?

"Here."

She placed her last pair on the ground.

"I win! That was great Kimimaro, I've never had such and experience!"

That was an intense game! How can she be so good at this?

"You weren't lying when you said you had lots of practice."

"I'm still shocked you lasted so long! Most of the guys I'm with in clubs are out in minutes!"

"Well I suprised you had that in your hand the whole time!"

Seriously, how did I not guess that she had the jack?

"Oh right! Orochimaru's birthday!"

It's my lord's birthday? Why did no one tell me this? I should have been the first to have known!

"Quickly then! We need to hurry back!"

"Maybe Kabuto will be there!"

Good thinking. Two birds with one stone.

* * *

Almost there, the main hall is just ahead.

"Quickly! I can hear everyone in the main hall!"

"Kabuto must be in there!"

We burst through the door, and it was madness. The cake looks like it exploded...and why is there ninja chasing Zaku? No one beats him up but me!

"Digital Shrapnel!"

Wow, that was pathetic. I just wiped all the ninja with one hit. Talk about trash...

Zaku. He is now mine.

"Shit dude, you almost hit me!"

Fool.

"And now I will. Dance of the willow."

"OH FUCK! DOSU HELP ME!"

"I'll pass."

Those two are such good friends.

"OW! SHIT! FUCK! STOP IT! OW!"

Orochimaru walked over to me, he was laughed pretty hard.

"Haha, okay. That's enough Kimimaro."

"As you wish Lord Orochimaru."

"Kimimaro, this was the best birthday ever! Thank you for organizing it!"

He thinks I set it up? Whatever.

And Kabuto he...did she throw senbon at his balls? That's hilarious! This really is the best birthday ever!

**THE END**


End file.
